The whole interviewing process is really getting to me. As you will note in past entries, I have been asked to do some pretty unreasonable things, like create a 30 page marketing plan. Well, the interviewing plot thickens. The other day I was asked, in an interview, "why are manhole covers round?" Seriously? What burned out HR person with too much time on their hands thought that question was a good idea? I gave some bull poop answer about ease of use, blah blah blah. After my interview, I googled it. To my surprise, and disgust, Microsoft made that interview question popular in the 90s. Apparently this question is a good tool to gauge how one approaches a question with more than one correct answer. See Wiki definition here. All it managed to do was test my patience and make me roll my eyes. Thankfully it was a phone interview so the interviewer couldn't see my what-the-fuck face. It took everything in my power not to get sarcastic on their ass. I giggle to myself about the dozen or so inappropriate answers I have come up with since the interview. But I won't bore you with those since they mostly involve penises or poop.
This question got the hamster in my head running in its wheel. I did a mental inventory of all of the interview questions I have been asked. And with as many interviews as I have been in, that's a whole lot of questions! But there are a few questions that really irk me. And they are:
Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
This question is so stupid. I mean really. What do they expect? Most people give some bullshit answer of "I hope to be established in my position with your company with added responsibilities." No one gives the honest answer of "who the hell knows? 5 years is a long time. If you don't give me a raise in that time, I'll be out the door faster than you can say 'are you happy here?'" This question is bologna.
What are your weaknesses?
If I had a dollar for every interview that I've conducted where the applicant said "I'm a perfectionist" I'd be able to go out to dinner at the Seattle Space Needle. Here we have another example of a bullshit question that is impossible to answer honestly. I'd love to be able to say "porn, cheese, and peanut M&Ms." But no, we're forced to drum up a not-so-bad offense and put a positive spin on it. I call bullshit.
If you could be any animal, what would you be?
"I'd be a tiger so I could disembowel you in 3 seconds for asking suck an idiotic question." What is this? Kindergarten? Why would anyone want to know the answer to this? Are they going to conduct a psychoanalysis of my answer? Uh oh, she wants to be a dog which means she's lazy and likes to lick herself. What the hell is an appropriate answer? "I'd be a horse because they are strong and regal." Bullshit bullshit bullshit.
If you were to receive any award, what would it be for?
"It would be for excellence in patience because I have to put up with your lame questions." I don't need an award, just give me the occasional atta girl and follow it up with a raise.
Why do you want to work for us?
Because you are hiring. That's why. Dumbass.
To quote Susan Powter, we've got to stop the insanity! Please join me in the fight to stop such idiotic interview questions. Interviews shouldn't be difficult. They should be honest, informative, and conversational. The next time I'm asked one of these dumb questions, I'm going to try my darnedest to push out a fart and say "there's your bullshit answer."
